Ok, so my regular readers know that two really bad things happened in my life recently. First, my mother died two days before my birthday in Dec. Next up..I got diagnosed with bladder cancer in January. Saturday night was the mother of all bad things…
My husband suffered a massive heart attack. I got him to the hospital before he had it mind you, but evidently he has known for some time that his ticker and the three of the arteries attached to it are toast…he just didn’t bother to tell me.
After getting 25 restarts to his heart tonight over the course of six hours, he isn’t expected to survive and if he does..brain damage is a major concern as the blood flow to his brain was obviously interrupted all those times they had to use the paddles just trying to figure out wtf was going on in there.
If I sound kinda weird right now, sorry but I am. The cardiologist says he had to have known that two of his arteries were clogged by over 80% and the third is 100% clogged. They are like the limbs of a dead tree, all shriveled up, meaning a triple bypass is NOT an option.
Thanks for keeping this all from me Baby. why you did it I will never know but it sure doesn’t make anything I now have to deal with easier. Since I have never had to deal with the death of a loved one, I have no idea what to do. He’s not dead yet, but the Doc’s said his chances are slim and none at this point. If he survives 72 hours then they will discuss the limited options…depending on how much damage was done to his grey matter.
I am still in shock to say the least..so that should explain my pov I hope. Because I am quite angry with him right now. Why would he keep this shit from me? What in the blue hell would make him think it would be easier to deal with going in blind as the proverbial bat?
Fuck I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now except I want him to live and be of sound mind..just so I can verbally rip him a new ass.
So no pity party here…just trying to figure out what I do and I can not sleep. I am waiting for ‘that’ phone call telling me it’s over as the Doc said he doesn’t think my husband will make it through the night, much less the next 72 hours. The Surgeon said we have minimal options if he does make it through the next 72 hours and does not have any brain damage.
I called everyone that needed to know..thankfully only one person answered the phone, hubbies life-long best friend who is out of town. Hell, I feel bad enough..I just ruined his entire vacation. But I was hoping he would be able to help me make arrangements if they are needed, since I have never done that kinda thing before…but, He won’t be home for eight days so I am on my own I guess.
It sure sucks to be me…wouldn’t you say?
Well say it under your breath please…cuz I will survive this..and I hope hubbie does too, even if the odds are not in his favor at this point. Because although I am pissed..I love him and don’t want to lose him, even if it means being his nursemaid forever.
I know I am a strong, mean-ass, sometimes quite nasty bitch..but damn..people can only take so much bad news..ya know?
Dusty
I am a..brown Cali bitch that is quite the opinionated,political, pain-in-the-ass, in your face kinda girl that also loves baseball and music to a fault.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.--Albert Einstein-*29 Responses to “You know how bad things come in threes? Well..I hit the motherload Sat night.”
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Damn girl! I am so sorry….my thoughts are with you….
So sorry, Dusty.
Dusty, that’s so horrible. You and your husband will be in my thoughts.
Jeez, Dusty. That’s a lot of rough stuff.
My condolences.
~
“And this too shall pass”.
I wish I had the words to ease this, but they are not there. I am so sorry, Dusty.
cuz I will survive this..
..yes. you will
and I hope hubbie does too
me too.
PEACE
Strength to you both, Dusty.
Wishing you and your hubby the best. Treat yourself to some weapons grade cute, and then some more.
I don’t invoke a deity very often, but my God, Dusty. The shit-storm does seem to have focused on you lately.
Midwestern zombies have little to offer, but you have my email if you want to vent. And the Empire is always open, of course.
Keep on keeping on, lady.
Hi Dusty~ Oh man. No rest for the weary. My hope is you & your husband had discussed medical directive stuff- even better if that were in writing. If not in writing, maybe you had the talk– & you know what he would want.
My aunt suffered a massive stroke, she would be blind, not able to walk and essentially have no quality of life. She was 84 @ the time & had lived a full life. Her kids were in agony, trying to make this huge decision, when they took out her medical directive she was very clear she wanted *quality of life*.
No respirator, no feeding tube, none of that life sustaining stuff that keeps you alive, but not really living life.
In that case, she made the decision for herself, they only had to honor it, which they did.
I feel the same way– go ahead & use all the tools to bring me back, but if I won’t have reasonable quality (each person defines that for themselves), then I want it left to a higher power. Unplug me & if I am meant to live, I would.
My F-I-L aka Grandpa Mac had put DNR on his medical directive (he was in his 80′s). His wife– out of love & all good intentions, changed it to “Full Code”- meaning do everything possible to sustain life.
Sadly, that meant Grandpa endured more than a year of much suffering, and pain, surgeries etc. No one had the guts to have a discussion w grandma about honoring his wishes or getting a patient advocate for him.
Grandma passed first. The day after her memorial, the family informed grandpa his directive had been changed to full code. (He’s progressive retired minister in cahoots w MLK jr & SLC movements). He knew what all that was & meant & said No no no! I want DNR & changed it that day.
In fact from that point onward, he switched to palliative care (hospice like), after that rough year after a hip break & complications, in the end, yet another MRSA infection got in the hip replacement & they had to undo the hip replacement, essentially wiping out the whole year of therapy & progress.
My Mom had DNR w comfort care meaning they can intervene enough to keep her comfortable. She died in Oct of natural causes, right after I had total knee replacement surgery & I could not bend my knee enough to even get in a plane seat. I could not attend her funeral.
Anyway, these are all very personal decisions, and literally life & death decisions. Does not help that you had no warning to have a heads up & have those medical directive discussions or in writing.
You are going to have to go w what the medicos have to share and one always hopes these decisions are made by a higher power.
Your plate is full, and my heart goes out to you.
I’ll hold you in the light, and so sorry to hear this happened.
After the Schiavo case, that put the fire in me to write up a medical directive.
Had a copy of the final version put on file w my Doctor’s office as well.
So I’m here for you too, if you want to talk, feel free.
Sorry to prattle on, it is my intent to be helpful. Hope it is!
Palliative care:
provides relief from pain, shortness of breath, nausea, and other distressing symptoms;
affirms life and regards dying as a normal process;
intends neither to hasten nor to postpone death;
integrates the psychological and spiritual aspects of patient care;
offers a support system to help patients live as actively as possible;
offers a support system to help the family cope;
uses a team approach to address the needs of patients and their families;
will enhance quality of life;
is applicable early in the course of illness, in conjunction with other therapies that are intended to prolong life, such as chemotherapy or radiation therapy.
While palliative care may seem to offer a broad range of services, the goals of palliative treatment are concrete: relief from suffering, treatment of pain and other distressing symptoms, psychological and spiritual care, a support system to help the individual live as actively as possible, and a support system to sustain and rehabilitate the individual’s family
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palliative_care
Oh honey!
Jesus Christ, I am praying hard for you and the stubborn one right now.
All alone and scared out of your wits.
Not a good place to be.
Keep us informed.
It’s not like you didn’t have enough on your plate.
Best wishes for a happy outcome dear lady.
I’m sorry to hear that Dusty. If you need to talk, you know where to find me. I’ve had some similar things happen to me as well. Meanwhile, I’m send a large shipment of Omnipotent Juju express.
Dusty now has a paypal button. Hit it if you can.
Money may sound pedestrian when her heart is breaking, but trust me, I’ve been in her shoes and its one less mind numbing worry.
Thank you to all my friends here in Blogland..I really didn’t realize how many I had until now, with all the good jjuju you all are sendinf to Jerry and I. Diane made me do the PayPal button and as much as I hate asking for help, i really need it.
So bless all of you that have sent me financial help, it takes one load off my overworked mind.
As for Jerry, he made it through the night. Not without small incidents,now kidneys aren’r working quite right, but all the same..he is still alive. Two more nights to go and then we find out how much damage his brain has taken from all this.
I love you Diane and I adore you all for your help, both emotionally and financially.
Hey Dusty~ It sounds trite to say *one day at a time*, but that’s what you gotta do.
Hope you are remembering to take care of you- make yourself eat & get some real sleep. Holding you folks in the light.
Yeah, I know the feeling of what you’re going through … just stay focused and do one thing at a time …. That’s about all you can do right now.
Also, I knew a guy who kept secret his heart problems. I might’ve been the only one to know, in part, because ours was a casual friendship and i didn’t know his family.
He never directly said why he didn’t seek medical help but my guess is he didn’t want to burden his family with worry and the medical costs … That way his insurance money would be of full value to them.
I’m certain he did what he did for noble reasons. Sort of like how Secret service guards will take a bullet to protect the President.
Bill, you and another male have made me realize why he kept me in the dark. I thank you SO MUCH because I can now lose all the anger I was feeling towards him for not telling me. It would be so like him to think that way even though I don’t agree with it…I understand it now.
I don’t know Dusty well enough to pronounce anything but I can see Dusty’s husband keeping these things to himself. I’m guessing it was a desperate expression of caring to not want to add to the awful total burden they were living with. That might be seen as just fear on his part but I also try to divorce myself from my own misery, partly selfishly and partly to protect the people I care about. I’ve paid for that with some awful effects on my personality and in having great trouble expressing that care. It’s wrong headed and makes things worse in the end but there it is. Go easy on the guy, Dusty.
Holy crap… I’m so sorry.
I know you say you’re strong, but maybe the universe will stop asking you to prove it. I hope so.
You and your husband are in my thoughts.
I wish I had something to say that would lift you up and make it all better, but I don’t……so I’ll just say I love you wholeheartedly and I wish I were there to hug your pain away.
ALWAYS your Sista-Woman,
DC
Thoughts and prayers are with you and yours Dusty. I am so sorry to hear of your troubles.
Denise’s friend just stopping in to say that I’m thinking about you and sending you strength to get through whatever you have to face.
Jesus Dusty, that is horrible. I know words won’t make this better, but here’s hoping you get that chance to rip your husband a new one because nobody should have to deal with all you got hit with. Especially alone.
Bill’s correct. Your hubby just thought he was doing the right thing by sparing you. While I disagree with it I understand.
I wish you peace and hope your husband is free from pain. And you as well Dusty.
I’m so sorry. You and your beloved are in our thoughts.
I’m really sorry to hear about this Dusty. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you for all your thoughts and hopes. I am dumbfounded by all the outpouring of support I have received.
Believe me when I say it has really helped me cope with all this horror. It has renewed my faith in people, at least those on the left, who give and love unconditionally.